Pokey Minch
Pokey Minch (ポーキー・ミンチ Pōkī Minchi) is a fictional character in the 1995 video game EarthBound and the 2006 video game Mother 3. He is a boy from the suburbs of Onett, Ness' portly and obnoxious next-door neighbor, and the older brother of Picky Minch. Pokey's family seems to hold a grudge against Ness', because his father, Aloysius Minch, allegedly loaned a few hundred thousand dollars to Ness' father (though Aloysius admits it could have been a lot less), and was never repaid. Although he and his father found work in Fourside as consultants for the city's mayor, the Minch's continued to feud with Ness' family. Pokey's battle music in EarthBound is titled "Pokey Means Business". His music in Mother 3 are "Master Porky's Theme" and "Absolutely Safe Capsule", and are played during the initial confrontations with him and following his retreat into the Absolutely Safe Capsule, respectively. Biography When a meteor shower occurs in the mountains north of their houses in Onett, Pokey and his younger brother Picky sneak out of their house to investigate. When Picky turns up missing, Pokey turns to Ness, pleading him to help him find his younger brother, clearly because he is too cowardly to go alone. After sweet-talking Ness' mother and pretending to be Ness' friend while hiding his obvious contempt of him (he threatens to use profanity if Ness doesn't help him), Ness agrees to help him. At the meteorite landing site, Ness, Pokey, and Picky meet Buzz Buzz, an alien from 10 years in the future. Pokey learns of the impending destruction of the universe at the hands of Giygas, but convinces himself that he is not one of the heroes that the alien speaks of. When they are confronted by one of Giygas' cohorts, Starman Junior, Pokey cowers in fear while Ness and Picky, assist Buzz Buzz in defeating the alien. After Ness escorts Pokey and Picky safely home, Pokey isn't seen again for some time. At some time, Pokey joins the Happy Happyist cult, and becomes a high priest. When Ness confronts him, he orders two of the cult's followers to attack Ness. After the cult is disbanded, he and his father end up working as business consultants for Fourside mayor Geldegarde Monotoli. He uses the money to live a luxurious life, but he eventually steals Monotoli's helicopter after Monotoli is confronted by Ness. That helicopter is shown to have been crashed in the Deep Darkness, and Pokey is not seen (although he still causes trouble for Ness's adventure offscreen, such as stealing the original Phase Distorter) until he appears with Giygas, looking discolored from side-effects of time travelling, where he claims that Giygas was leading him the whole time, and that he only serves "the strong and able." He expresses to Ness his new belief that Giygas should destroy the universe. He appears in an organic spider-like machine, and battles Ness and his friends (in their robotic forms) alongside Giygas. Once Giygas is destroyed, Pokey uses time travel to escape into another era, but not before taunting Ness one last time. His last message comes through Picky in a suspicious hate letter that says, "Come and get me, loser! Spankety spankety spankety!" Pokey returns in Mother 3 as King P, having become trapped in the current time period and drastically aged due to his abuse of time travel(He himself admits he could be around 1,000 years old or more, but doesn't know anymore) but still mentally immature, to the extent that he sanctions unspeakable experiments on animals just to make them "look cool" and completely corrupting the Nowhere Islands out of sheer boredom. He is revealed to be the true antagonist of Mother 3 and is first seen in the tallest tower in New Pork City in which the party of Lucas, Kumatora, Duster, and Boney make their way up the floors until they discover a robot that resembles Pokey. They compete with the robot in a few mini-games before moving on to Pokey himself. On top of the tower, they find the Hall of Memories, showcasing many items from EarthBound, before ending up in a long hallway leading to Pokey. In Pokey's room they are attacked by more complete Pokey robots, which are soon destroyed by Duster's ex-bandmates of DCMC. After the townspeople of Tazmily Village enter the room with Dr. Andonuts and Flint, Pokey descends from the vines on the roof to speak to the party. He reveals that the last Needle has been found and challenges Lucas and friends to beat him to it via the express elevator. Lucas, Boney, Kumatora, Duster, and Flint slide down the elevator shaft to a mine-like environment. Pokey soon confronts them in a large spider mecha. When he sees he is to be defeated, he calls upon the "Absolutely Safe Capsule" and climbs inside. It seals Pokey inside, and being true to its name, it protects Pokey from all harm. However, Pokey finds that he cannot harm the heroes, either. When the battle ends, Dr. Andonuts reveals that he built the Absolutely Safe Capsule with the specifications that once someone is inside, the machine cannot be opened by anyone, including the person inside of it. So while Pokey is indeed "absolutely safe" he is trapped in the machine forever, doomed to spend eternity in isolation. Andonuts even feels sympathy for the tyrannical child, as in his own words, ". . . All he can do now is spend eternity inside the capsule, in absolute safety." At the end of the game, when the player is traveling in the darkness, they come into contact with an object that rolls with glee. While they may not be able to tell as to what it is, it is most likely Pokey having survived the destruction of the land. It is possible that he actually felt better after the events that took place. Personality In both games, Pokey Minch is shown to be very immature, even when his body ages beyond his own measure. He is often described as obnoxious and annoying, often referred to by neighbors as "That pig-like boy", which might have led to his idea with the Pigmask Army. To some players, however, he only wanted friends and love, which resulted in his corruption to Giygas. In Mother 3, some players, when they saw what Pokey was doing, wanted to beat him immediately. By the time he got in the Absolutely Safe Capsule, some actually felt bad for him. In Super Smash Bros. Brawl Pokey Minch has also appeared in Super Smash Bros. Brawl's adventure mode, The Subspace Emissary. Here, he is seen as a high-ranked member of the Subspace Army who attacks Lucas and Ness in The Ruined Zoo using his Pig King Statue and a fleet of Primids. In this appearance he is referred to "Porky", a more proper translation of his name. It was most likely changed for this game because of his pig-themed empire in Mother 3. Because of this, the Mother 3 fan translation also uses "Porky" rather than "Pokey." Trivia * As with Giygas before him, Pokey's attacks in Mother 3 are stated to be inexplicable although one is described as "spraying" in nature. *A character in the show Kirby: Right back at Ya! looks very similar to Pokey. List of Quotes Earthbound *"Spankety, spankety, spankety!" *"Let's be friends. Just kidding!" *response to Buzz Buzz "Um, I'm not one of those boys, am I?" after punishment,"My dad really came after me... he said I don't get dessert for an entire decade..." *"Heh heh heh heh. You must really be at the end of your rope." *"In this bizarre dimension, you four are the only force fighting for justice..." *"And here you stand," *"waiting to be burned up with all the rest of the garbage of this universe..." *"Haaaaah! That's so sad. I can't help but shed a tear." *"You know, my heart is beating incredibly fast, *"...I must be experiencing absolute terror!" *''Do you want to scream for help here in the dark?!" *''Ha ha ha ha ha!" *"Why not call your mommy, Ness! Say, "Mommy! Daddy! I'm so frightened! I think I'm gonna wet my pants!" *"''I know you have telepahty, or something, so just try and call for help," *''you pathetically weak heroes of so-called justice!" *"''No one will help you now!" *"Ha ha ha haah..." *''"Don't worry, your pitiful suffering with be over soon." Mother 3 *"If you're after the needle, then don't worry. My adorable monster is on its way to it as we speak." *''"Huh? That monster's name is Claus? Its name was Claus? That almost sounds like a person's name! But now it's my robot. Not even a fragment of life remains inside it. It's Master Porky's slave robot! It acts on my will alone. It doesn't know anything about who you are." *''"Let me fill you in on something. No matter how much you attack me, I'll never die. Even if I somehow wind up beaten, I'll never die. Bet you didn't know that, did you?" *''"If the dragon wakes up, it might end up destroying everything and extinguishing all life. Even so, ahaha aha ahahahahahaha *cough* *gasp* *cough* Even so, I will be alive. Me and the Dragon will be the only things left alive in the whole wide world! I'm more than ready for that possibility. Ahhaha ahhahahahaha! *cough* *cough* *gasp* *wheeze* With my eternal life, I will see the world through to its end. Until everyone who won't like me is gone." *''"I've gone through time and space so many times I haven't aged like a normal person. Who knows, I might be 1000 years old, or even 10,000 years old. But despite that, I'm still the same kid at heart! Is that funny? It is, isn't it? Does it make you laugh? *cough* *wheeze* Are you laughing at me?!" Category:Bosses Category:Characters Category:EarthBound Category:Enemies Category:Giygas Category:Mother 3 Category:People from Onett Category:Pigmask Army Category:Temporary party members Category:Temporary party members in EarthBound Category:Temporary party members in Mother 3